Episode 18: How to Get Your Friends & Family into the Gym
The most important thing you can do to influence your loved ones to start a fitness journey is to focus on your own fitness journey.
In today's episode, I share a conversation I had with my Twitch chat after one of my followers asked "How do I get my friends to go to the gym?"
No matter your best intentions, it's important to respect others' boundaries and consent.
I live by the motto "Be responsible for your own gains." This means focusing on your own journey and letting others make decisions for their own health.
Pressuring people to go to the gym could potentially harm your relationships and also push people away from wanting to get in shape. The best way to influence others is to live a healthy lifestyle and respect their autonomy.
With that said, in this discussion, we also go over some ways to invite someone to the gym without pressuring them or making them feel bad.
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Jayd (00:00):
When you're on a fitness journey, you need to be focused on your fitness journey. Don't be looking at other people and judging other people for not doing what you're doing. They have their own journey. Their path is their path. Their life is their life, and you have to respect their consent and their boundaries. Focus on you. Focus on, because here's the thing, you don't know who you are inspiring. When you do focus your energy inward and focus on what you have control and responsibility over, which is your path and your fitness. When you're just minding your goddamn business and just doing the thing, you actually are going to have a lot more influence over people than if you are approaching them trying to nudge, nudge, nudge consciously. Don't try to nudge people. Live your life, keep pursuing your fitness and the people who are receptive and who want that as well, they're going to see that and they're going to be inspired by it, and then when they're ready, they can come with questions.
(01:12)
Hey there. Welcome back to the Coaching Corner podcast. I'm Jayd Harrison, AKA Jaydigains. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you a conversation that I had with my Twitch chat when I was live on Twitch and one chatter asked the question, how do I get my friends or family into the gym? And the answer that I gave might surprise you, especially considering that I am a professional fitness influencer and content creator and personal trainer. I live by the saying, you are responsible for your own gains. Everyone is responsible for their own health journey. It's not really the responsibility of any one person to make another person take better care of themselves. And in fact, if you do try this approach of trying to manipulate somebody into getting in shape, you may actually be doing some more harm than good. So we talk about the essential mindset shift that you need to have as a fitness advocate if you really want to have that type of influence on the people that you love and you want to approach this in a way that respects consent and boundaries.
(02:21)
With that said, I do also give some actionable tips for how you can cultivate more influence in your circle and maybe open the door to one of your friends or family members to start taking better care of themselves, but it's a topic that is very sensitive and it takes a lot of emotional and social intelligence to do well. So today we're going to dive into that topic. Now, before we get into the episode, keep in mind that I do have an email newsletter and if you sign up for that, you will get notified every time that there's a new podcast episode that goes live. You'll also get notified on new services and products that I come out with, so make sure to check that out. That's at jaydigains.com. So now let's get into the episode.
(03:20)
I know you can't make anyone go to the gym, but how do you encourage friends and clients to go? I'm going to just say that I can only speak from my personal point of view and ethics. Consent is everything. To me, consent is a really important core value. It's like at the bedrock of everything that I do. I'm never ever trying to just make someone do something that they don't already want to do, even if it's something they like that's better for them. At the end of the day, I respect people's ability to be grown ass adults and make decisions for themselves. What I can do is make what I see as the right choice or the better choice, more accessible, and if they want to make that choice, then I can help them make that choice and I can help them to build structures into their lives that make it easier for them to make those choices.
(04:13)
But you cannot, if you are really, really concerned with making another person do anything, my encouragement would be to redirect that back towards yourself. Are and you alone are responsible for you. Everybody else is only responsible for themselves because if you are in a space in your relationships where you're constantly trying to influence or manipulate someone, they will feel that energy and they will resent it unless they've consented and specifically asked for it, but you should not be trying to manipulate anybody even if it's for their own good. You should not be trying to manipulate someone to go to the gym or to eat a certain way because at the end of the day, you're not in their head, you're not in their body. You don't know what their life is like and what likely you'll end up doing is causing more harm because a lot of times when people are trying to manipulate people or influence them, what you end up doing is you end up piling on more frustration and shame because you don't know what that person is going through and you don't know what they've tried in the past.
(05:22)
The best that you can do is live your best life and set an example of self-love and self-responsibility and that might inspire them, and if you are not pushing stuff onto them, you actually make yourself more of a trustworthy source that when if and when they're ready to make that change, they'll actually be more likely to come to you for advice or encouragement or resources, but if you're trying to push it on them all the time, they're going to actually shut you out and you may actually be pushing them further away from the thing that you're trying to influence them to do. Respectfully, I think we all need to mind our own goddamn business.
(06:13)
I hate that shit. I do not like when someone is trying to manipulate me, even if it's for something that maybe is for my own good. You are responsible for your own gains and they are responsible for their own gains and you have to respect other people's consent. You have to respect other people's autonomy, and if you don't, then you're actually doing the opposite of what you're trying to do. You're going to make them associate the thing that you're trying to influence with manipulation, with all these negative connotations, so they're going to be less likely to actually make the choice that you want them to make because especially from a trauma-informed perspective, I do a lot of work and I talk to a lot of counselors and a lot of trauma therapists, even therapists will tell you, you can't make other people do things. All you can do is be the example of what you think is good and try to be that person more and more every day, but it is overstepping to even.
(07:26)
It's overstepping to just look at a person and decide that you know better than them because a lot of unhealthy behaviors, what we consider as unhealthy behaviors, they're coping mechanisms dude, people who overeat, people who stress eat, people who undereat people who don't exercise, people who rot in bed over the weekend every weekend after work, it's not because they're fucking lazy, it's not because they're sloths or they're, I don't know, whatever judgment you want to pass on them. Most of the time, and this is what trauma therapists will tell you, this is what counselors will tell you most of the time, our behavior is governed by our nervous systems. These are coping mechanisms that these people need to regulate, and it's a big red flag for someone to look at another person and decide that they know better what they should be doing with their lives.
(08:29)
I'm a personal trainer, I'm a health professional, and I know what the recommendations are for if you want to live your healthiest. I put it as, hey, you get to choose how you live and I love you and I support you, whatever choices you make because you are in control of your life, but if you want to do this, if you want to feel more energized, if you want to feel stronger, if you want to have more energy, if you want to live independently for longer, these are some things that you could do, but you don't have to and I'm not going to judge you if you don't. I'm not going to judge you if you don't exercise, if you don't eat vegetables three times a day. Ultimately, you have reasons for why you live the way you live and I ultimately respect your autonomy.
(09:24)
I'm never going to try to influence someone without their consent, and that's just a hard line for me. Not trying to manipulate, just want what's best, just want to be there for them best way I can. If you want to really be there for them, then you need to actually be there for them and treat them like an adult. It's very easy from the outside to look at someone and diagnose all of their problems. It's very easy to look at them and be like, oh, they should X, Y, z, but you can't do that if you want to have a good relationship with them. If you actually want to have influence, that's the worst thing that you can do. The worst thing that you can do is approach a relationship with someone with a spirit of I know better. I know what's best for you than what I mean.
(10:12)
I'm telling you, if someone approaches me like that, I can smell that right away and it's an immediate red flag that's an immediate shutdown. That's immediately like, okay, I'm going to sign you to the outer circles. You're not coming anywhere close to my inner circle. You're not going to be a close friend to me if I can sense that you are trying to do that. If you approach me with this attitude of even if you think that you're hiding it well, no, people can sense that. People can sense when you're judging them and that's a good way to lose your influence over them. If you want to have influence, you have to let go of the power and you have to let go of the assumption that you know better than the other person. If you want to have influence, you have to let go of this idea that you're the hero of the story.
(11:03)
You're not, and if you want to be the hero of the story, then you're not going to have as much influence as you want. You have to approach the other person like they are the hero of the story. They are the one who makes the choices. You're just the guide you're there for when they ask questions and if they choose the path that you're an expert in, then they know that they can come to you and they trust you and you have a good connection with them. They'll ask you questions and they'll trust your planning and your advice that you give, but if you're constantly approaching them with this error of better than them, you're going to lose that position of you're not going to be able to be their guide. They're not going to go to you. This is why a lot of teenagers do not go to their parents by the way, because especially once you become a teenager, you get really allergic to your parents trying to treat you like they know better and a lot of times they do know better, but nobody likes to be talked down to.
(11:56)
Nobody likes to be looked down on and it's the people who empower other people and say, you are the one with all the choices and are the one. You have the power. It's those people who end up having more influence, so I think that that's something that we maybe all need to reflect on a little bit more. When you're on a fitness journey, you need to be focused on your fitness journey. Don't be looking at other people and judging other people for not doing what you're doing. They have their own journey. Their path is their path. Their life is their life and you have to respect their consent and their boundaries focus on you because here's the thing, you don't know who you are inspiring when you do focus your energy inward and focus on what you have control and responsibility over, which is your path and your fitness.
(12:54)
When you're just minding your goddamn business and just doing the thing, you actually are going to have a lot more influence over people than if you are kind of approaching them trying to kind of nudge, nudge, nudge consciously. Don't try to nudge people. Live your life, keep pursuing your fitness and the people who are receptive and who want that as well, they're going to see that and they're going to be inspired by it and then when they're ready, they can come with questions, but you really got to, I know it's exciting and I know you love all of the benefits that have come from getting in shape for yourself and you want that for your friends. You want that for your family and that's okay, but at the end of the day, you have to remind yourself of boundaries. You and you alone are responsible for your gains and they alone are responsible for their gains. You haven't tried it yet, but you do plan to encourage your younger brother to work out with you at least once a week. Be careful with that because I'm telling you right now, I've been doing this for over 10 years. You want to be very, very careful when you are encouraging or trying to influence the people in your life to get on a fitness journey because it can often be read as you judging them and you might not realize that you're adding more shame onto something they already feel badly about.
(14:23)
Just be very careful in how you approach it. Try not to approach it with this sense of you should do this and try to bully them into it. Sometimes people will try that approach that really just does nothing but turn people off and actually pushes them further away. What I would say is you want to extend an invitation, but always make sure it is just like the rules of consent. The rules of consent apply, that there has to be an enthusiastic yes and that consent can be revoked at any time. You have to make sure that it's absolutely explicit that it's okay for them to say no and that they don't have to and that you're not trying to pressure them, you're not trying to shame them. It's just that you want to spend time with them and you think it would be fun and they don't even have to do your workout.
(15:19)
You would just like them to be around. Make sure that you make it super, super, super explicit that they can say no and that you're not trying to pressure them and that you support them whichever choice they make. That is key here, guys. You got to support them. Whichever choice they make. If you make it so that it's like if they say no, you're going to give them a hard time that I'm just telling you, if you want to have any kind of influence on them, that is going to be going in the opposite direction. You got to keep it positive. You have to empower them, and part of empowering people is allowing them to make the other choice and supporting them and making that other choice. They're allowed to. You should encourage them to make choices for themselves and knowing that the choices that they make are not always going to be the choices that you want them to make.
(16:12)
That's okay because they're responsible for their own gains and you are responsible for your gains. My wife eats plenty of healthy food and moves around plenty, but she hates exercising in the traditional sense. Yeah, totally fine. She feels bad about her body and says so to you. Often, I just do my best to remind her that I don't see her body in any kind of negative way and remind myself that we live in a culture that programs people to see their bodies that way. That is what I'm fucking ducking about. I love to see it pa because you've been on your fitness journey and you've been seeing the benefits and I really, really love that you tell her, you don't have to do what I'm doing. I love you. I love you as you are. You don't have to make the choices that I'm making.
(17:00)
I think that that's really such a powerful, you don't realize how powerful that is and it's just probably nudging her a little bit further along to maybe doing something that might help her body to feel better. I would only do it with Karen without any form of pressure. Yeah, that's the way to do it. You got to be super duper careful. Just don't put pressure. Don't put pressure. Pressure is the worst thing you can do if you're trying to influence somebody to get fit. If you really want to influence someone to get fit, the best thing you can do is live your fitness journey, walk your walk and do not try to push it on anybody else or tell anybody else this is the way you should be doing it too. Mind your business. Do the thing, put it on display. Be open about it, but you got to make sure that nobody likes a self-righteous person.
(17:56)
Nobody likes someone with a moral superiority complex, whatever it is, religiously health-wise, smartness wise, nobody likes a self-righteous person coming along and telling them, oh, you should be living the way that I'm living. Never, never do that. Please don't do that if you're part of my community, if you're part of the Gains gang, please don't do that. That's not part of our group ethos, okay? Part of our group ethos, part of how we do this is we are all responsible for our own gains individually and we share our growth with each other for encouragement and to encourage other people, but we are also just as supportive and just as hype about people's growth journeys that maybe don't have anything to do with fitness. We are just as hype about our friends. Many of our friends in the community do not work out. Many of our friends in the community don't eat healthy, but they still have a place here.
(19:04)
We still love them. We still celebrate them. We still want them around. We still celebrate them and I would say if you want to have influence, hype your friends up, hype your family up, whatever it is that they're into, whatever it is that they're into, whatever it is that they are, make a big deal out of that. Make them feel like you are a big fan of them as a person. Celebrate them as a person. That's the best way that you can actually have real influence because when you celebrate them as a person and you also support their autonomy, you support their consent, you support their boundaries, that actually makes it more likely that they would if they were like, you know what? I really like that. I really like that rich guy. He always makes me feel so good about myself and I'm thinking I want to get strong and he knows a lot of stuff about strength, so maybe I'll ask him some questions.
(20:04)
That is the best way that you can form that relationship with them, but please, please be careful about how you're trying to go about influencing people towards health. You got to be a fan of the person whether regardless of whether they are actually doing strength training or eating healthy or losing weight, you got to just love the people as they are and know that sometimes they might not ever get on a fitness journey and that's okay. It's okay. You're still going to love them. You're still going to be a big fan of them. I hate to give tough love, but I've been on the receiving end of that. I've been on the receiving end of that and it doesn't feel good and it actually makes me hate the person. If someone approaches me and they have this can just sense it that they have this attitude of they think they know better than me. It's been health-wise received that from a religious perspective. I've experienced this from people who think that they know something about my business and they want to critique something about my business, but they're not even fucking doing what I'm doing.
(21:21)
That irritates me and then it actually makes it so that I don't even want to talk to that person and maybe they actually do have some value to offer in other aspects, but I close myself off to that person. I'm not going to listen to what they have to say at that point because they think they know better than me and I don't fuck with people like that. I've been that person and this is another reason probably why it's a little bit more on the tough love side. I've been that person and I've hurt a lot of people by being that person. I've hurt a lot of people. I've hurt a lot of people's self-esteem. I've hurt a lot of people's progress and their self love by approaching them with that attitude and that's something that I look back on in a period of my life when I really had that.
(22:10)
I think I know better than you attitude and I will always mourn the negative impact that I had on people because now I only want to leave people better than I found them and I just know from experience the harm that it does approaching people. Even if you do know maybe better in a certain topic, you might know more, right, but you got to at the end of the day, you got to respect people and their autonomy. If you want to really have a benefit to their life, your heart may be in the right place, but at the end of the day you got to be very aware of your approach. I think that we all need a little bit of cognitive behavioral therapy training. We all need a little bit of trauma-informed therapy training as well because I'm telling you right now, it has been the quest of my life for the last 10 years.
(23:09)
How do I help people live a healthier life? That's literally my profession. I've made it my professional quest to discover how do I influence people to eat better and to exercise? What I found is it has to be a choice that people are empowered to make but not pressured or shamed into making. At the end of the day, it's about connection, it's about empowerment, and I support all of my friends in everything that they do, and I found that when I've kind of stepped back and I make very explicitly clear to my friends, I love you and I support you. Whatever you want to do, you don't have to do what I do, right? I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd about strength. I love getting strong and I know a lot about fat loss if that's something that you want to do, but you don't have to.
(24:04)
At the end of the day, I still think you're really cool. I still want to hear what you say. I want to hear everything about you. I am a big fan of you, and when I've had that approach, that is when people actually are more likely to approach me with questions and openness to cleaning up their diets and getting more active, but that's not something that I'm trying to do. My whole goal is I'm going to put this information out there for the people who want it. I'm no longer trying to convert people into do this because you should do this because it will make you healthy. I'm going to put this information out there for the people who want it, and if you don't want it, that's fine. We can vibe and we can bond over other things, but I'm putting this information out there because I know that there's people who want it and I know that people are, they have got questions and I want to help in whatever way that I can, so I'm going to put that out there, but I'm not going to pressure anybody to buy in.
(25:08)
I think that that is the healthiest way to try to influence people. Just put it out there, make it available, but don't push it on people. I don't think that it's ethical to approach your relationships with this sense of better than other people, and that's just part of my ethics. That's part of my moral code. That's part of how I move through the world. I don't think that you should be approaching other people with this. I'm going to set out to make you do something that I think you should do, even if it's something that would make them healthier. Maybe you got to focus on you. If you approach it as my hobby's better than your hobby, that's actually a pretty quick way to lose your friends too, and it's also going to make people not want to do. It's going to make people think that people who are into fitness are assholes or they think they know better than everybody.
(26:04)
You want to be really careful about that. The best thing you can do is focus on your own journey and then also connect with other people who are already on a fitness journey so that you can have your healthy competitions and encourage each other and at that point when you have people's consent, some people are like that and they're not fun to hang out with. They're not, and the thing is, you can be like that about any hobby you can be that you can be like that about whatever it is that you're into. We had someone in here the other day who, first of all, I 100% support the vegan diet and the vegan lifestyle. I have clients who are vegans. I love vegan diets. I love vegan food. That's like half of what I eat is vegan food. I'm mostly vegetarian, okay? I'm a big fan of veganism.
(26:52)
We had someone in chat here the other day who got really ugly and combative and pushy about veganism and it was a total turnoff and it was pissing people off because it was like, dude, you got to, at the end of the day, you have to respect other people's autonomy and choices even if you think you know better than them, just stop. Okay. If you want to invite your friends to the gym, you got to read the subtext. What is the subtext? How are they going to interpret that? You got to get out of your own head and you need to think about their experience. How is someone going to interpret your invitation? You got to be careful not to put it in a way of like, I'm inviting you to the gym because I think you're a fat ass and I think you need to work out more and I know better than you.
(27:43)
I would not invite someone to work out unless they themselves brought up the subject or fitness or health first. All you can do is focus on yourself, be real about your journey and them you don't know who you're going to be inspiring, and then the people who actually want it, they'll show up. They'll bring their questions, so a gym invitation when that person hasn't stated they're interested is just a coded way to shame them and shame is the worst thing that you can do if you really want this person to get healthy or get in shape. It's like saying, I'm offering you a solution to the problem I've decided you have. Yeah, exactly. God, I hate that. I hate that so much, and again, I've had people talk to me like that about so many things, but yeah, let people make their own decisions around their health.
(28:37)
Even if by certain measures, if they were to go to the gym, their heart health would improve measurably, their strength would improve, measurably, their bones would get stronger, which we can make a moral judgment of like, yeah, that's better. That's not always the case. And gyms also, you got to remember, a lot of people have a lot of anxiety around gyms. A lot of people have a lot of anxiety around gyms. They don't want to go to a gym and suggesting that they go to a gym is going to make them feel like stressed or threatened. I would say, again, I think it's really best sound advice is don't even bring it up unless they bring it up. If they say and they start to express, I want to get in shape or I want to eat healthier, then you can be like, oh, well, you can come to the gym with me sometime, but always make it super explicit that they can say no and that you're not going to judge them if they say, no, I can't stress how important that is.
(29:33)
If you already know that it's something that they want to do, that's one thing, right? If it's something they've already expressed that they want to do, then sure have at, but also I would also though ask for consent confirmation before you start really lobbying them because the thing is people sometimes do need that. I'll give that to you. Sometimes people do need their friends to be like, come on, let's go, let's go, let's go. Sometimes they're like they need the pressure, but only apply that pressure if they specifically asked for it and they specifically consented to it. You got to have a conversation around that. Otherwise, you might be doing more harm than good. I know plenty of people like, listen, I'm zombie mommy or whatever. I got plenty of my specifically male clients need me to bully them, but there's a conversation around that, right?
(30:29)
There's a conversation around that where I am not going to just bully them and pressure them for the sake of bullying and pressuring them unless I'm 100% sure that it's something that they have specifically asked for consented to, and we've talked about it and we've talked about boundaries around it and they have expressed that is what I need from a coach to stay motivated. That's a different story, but you can't be applying pressure or trying to push in any way unless someone has specifically asked for it or consented to it. Maybe they need the pressure if they say things like, man, I want to go get to the gym, but I can't find time, so if they say something like that, if they say something like that, if you hear your friend or your family member or partner say, I want, they express, I want to go to the gym or I want to eat healthy, but fill in the blank.
(31:28)
Again, if you want to have influence and you want to be a good influencer, you have to remember that your job is to be the guide. The guide has a plan, has ideas. Ultimately though it is the hero, the other person, it's their choice of like to follow the plan or get on the plan. You make the plan available as an option, well, would you like me to? Would you like some support? Would you like me to remind you or maybe put a little pressure? Is that something that you would like me to do to help you? And then you leave it up to them. You specifically ask for that consent and then go from there. They may have wanted to before I asked, but I definitely did not pick up on it. Just thought it was a good way for us to bond at the time.
(32:12)
I think it is also something to, there is a gendered experience here that I think we probably should touch on. There is a gendered experience here where especially for young men, the gym is traditionally, especially lifting weights has traditionally been one of those spaces, one of those third spaces where men go to outside of work, outside of the home, and that's where a lot of men do have bonding time with each other. That's where a lot of men make friends, so the gym is a social, can be the gym can be a social space, but again, it kind of depends on, you got to really know how is it that that other person sees it? Did they see it that way? I know plenty of men that I'm friends with and some of them who are my clients who, because where they are in their journey in their health at the moment, the suggestion of going to the gym can be really anxiety inducing, and again, it can induce shame.
(33:19)
So again, I would say if they have expressed, if they have specifically expressed that it's something that they want to do and that's an opening to invite them, you can talk about, this is something that I do. I have so much fun. I'm really proud of my progress that I've made. I really love the friends that I've made. This is a relationship lesson. If you want to have good relationships with people, what influence is about. Influence is about having a good relationship with people to where they trust you and they want to take your advice. My recommendation would be to focus on building relationships and build your own fitness journey and let the opportunities that come along come along, but don't force people into, don't force people into conversations that they're not already explicitly wanting to have when opening. I'm thinking of if you suspect that someone is interested in going to the gym, but they're too shy to say it out loud, you could frame it, I need help at the gym. Would you like to come and assist me? Oh, that's good. That's a good one. I can see this working for you. Don't even need to ask someone to be your spotter, but that can work. I'm going to the gym. I don't have a spotter. I'm scared to bench press without one would be interested in being my spotter. Also, you could ask them to be your camera person.
(34:46)
I need to get video of my bench press so that I can look at my form so that I can send it to my coach. Would you take the video for me? Would you hang out with me while I work out and take video of my form so I can send it to my coach so we can spend time together? No pressure. You don't have to hang out. I really need someone that I don't want to give my phone to some rando. You know what I mean? And I don't want to walk around with a tripod, which is a legitimate concern. That could be a way to include someone in your fitness journey without pressuring them and maybe making it more of an open space for them, a more welcoming space for them. But again, you just want to really want to make sure that you are super explicit that there's no pressure for them to work out.
(35:31)
Really make it annoyingly explicit. Make annoyingly explicit that you're not trying to make them work out, that you just need their help and that you would also love to spend time with them while you do something that you like, but then also give them the opportunity to do the same. Maybe they got something that maybe they could use a hand with, so do the same. Maybe they're like building miniatures or something and they need somebody to help them paint under their army, so it's more of like, I'm inviting you to be a part of my hobby. You don't have to do the thing, but I also want to be included in your hobbies too. It's a mutual thing, so if I were dating, and I'm going to say this specifically about my girlies, I feel like I had a friend, a friend who's a girl, or if I was dating a woman who is not really into the gym or if I was dating a dude who is not really into the gym, although the not going to happen, we all know that I'm feral for big muscles, but if I have a girlfriend or if I have a friend and she's a little intimidated by the gym and she wants to hang out with me and I want to include her in it, I'm not necessarily trying to get her to work out because her journey is her journey, but I might be like, will you be my camera person?
(36:49)
Because I need somebody who's not creepy and I don't want to hand my phone to these jokers at the gym and I don't want to carry around a fucking tripod. Then this would be a way for me to spend time with her. This would be a way for me to include her, and then if she decides I want to be able to do that, then okay, well, we're already here, so let me teach you a thing or two, but always let her, for them, they are the ones with the reins. Okay, this is a good discussion though. I think this is a good discussion. I'm happy that we talked it out because I think it's probably something that we should talk about maybe more often because we don't want to be those schmucks. We don't want to be those schmucks. We don't want to be those influencers who are assholes, who bully people.
(37:35)
We don't want to be those people in the gym who make people feel bad about their bodies. We certainly don't want to make the people that we love feel bad about themselves while we're on our finished journey. Everybody is the hero of their own story, which means that they're the ones who make the choices about what they're going to do with their time and what they're going to do with their bodies, and even if they make choices that you think are bad choices, you don't know why. There's really powerful reasons why people do the things that they do, especially when the things that they do are bad for them. I'm not going to lie. There's some pretty powerful reasons why people do things like drink a lot or abuse substances or overtrain. You can be addicted to working out or eat unhealthy or binge eat or starve themselves.
(38:26)
They're usually driven by trauma. They're usually driven by experiences that they've had, and you are not equipped to unravel that with them. You're not their therapist, nor should you try to be their therapist. They should be working with a therapist and even within the scope of a therapeutic context, it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of building trust between the person and their therapist. It takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of exercise, and it can be very damaging psychologically to try to force a breakthrough on someone. Breakthroughs when people actually confront the causes of their, what we usually call maladaptive behaviors, that can be traumatic, that can cause a mental breakdown, that can cause a panic attack, and you, I'm going to just guess, are not equipped to handle that in a way that's healthy. We cannot be forcing deconstruction on people, so again, the best thing that you can do is lead with respect, love, empathy.
(39:36)
You can be open about what you're doing and just be open about just let them lead. Okay, so please do a respect, do a love. There are big reasons why people do the things that they do, and you do not know best for other people what they should be doing with their lives, especially if they do have a history of trauma and you're only going to damage your relationship with them. If you try to force the quote fitness or a healthy lifestyle on them, you may be doing way more damage. The best you can do is support them and love them and accept them for where they are, meet people where they are. I can't stress that enough. I, as a trauma-informed coach, I cannot stress enough how important that is.
(40:24)
Thank you so much for watching or listening to today's episode. I hope that you found it helpful. Remember that the best thing that you can do to have influence and promote a healthy lifestyle is to just live your best healthy life, respect your friendships, respect your relationships as they are, accept people as they are, regardless of whether they're going to the gym or not, and try not to put pressure on them. Let me know what you think about this episode. If you are watching on YouTube, leave a comment in the comments section, and also if you want to interact more with my community, hop into the Coaching Corner Discord server. The link for that is in the show notes. You get notifications when I go live on Twitch, and that's where I spend a lot of my time hanging out with my buddies and my friends. We talk about all kinds of different topics including fitness topics, but hobbies we share, pet pictures, all of that stuff, so you can hop into the discord if you want to hang out with me a little bit more. Thanks again for watching. Again, I'm Jayd Harrison, AKA Jaydigains. For more information about my products and services, check out my website, which is jd gaines.com, and I'll see you guys in the next episode. In the meantime, make sure that you eat your protein, eat your veggies, drink some water, and prioritize your self-care.
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ABOUT ME
Hey there! š Iām Jayd Harrison (Jaydigains), and Iām a personal trainer and health coach. I help people build muscle, burn fat, and clean up their diets with my online coaching programs. Check out some of my coaching videos on Youtube, or join me live on Twitch and follow on social media:
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